Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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