Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize