just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
