Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
