my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
