I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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