hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
