When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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