got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
