i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
