yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
