I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize