Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
