How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
