I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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