dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
