can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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