Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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