So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
