i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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