My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
