I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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