is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
