half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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