I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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