No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
