can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
