I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
