I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
