Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
