We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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