Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize