Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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