we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
