Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
