My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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