My underwear smells like fireworks.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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