Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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