is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize