There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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