Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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