I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
