I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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