i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
