and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
