i permit you to call me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
