apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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