he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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