I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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