remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
