their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize