i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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