you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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