I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
