hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My vagina just clenched in fear
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
