haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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