how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
