4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
