Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
