I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
