She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
