living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
