I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
