what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
