checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
