kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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