turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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