Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
