Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
