med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
