im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
