Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
